Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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