Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
