she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
