i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
