I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
