If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
