Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
