did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
