im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
