he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
