he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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