Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
