the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
