my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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