A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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