is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
