Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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