Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
