Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
