Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize