I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
