When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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