Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
