I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
