you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
