I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
