WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
