ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
