So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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