what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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