I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
