You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
