I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
