Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
