do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I could fuck to npr.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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