My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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