Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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