I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
