I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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