Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
