dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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