No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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