Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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