and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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