So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
