if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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