Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
