I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
