last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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