He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My friends, they love my intelligence
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
