I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
