You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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