I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I FOUND THE LEGS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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