I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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