I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
