you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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