At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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