my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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