Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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